Monthly Archives: March 2013

Breaking the (pregnancy positive) news negatively

From the family, sometimes there can be some negative (positive) pregnancy news reactions.

I was dating the daddy to be at the time (both already in our 30’s and with a past marriage under our belts * excuse the pun*).

I have been suffering from PCOS (Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) from a very early age and hardly ever had any menstrual cycles throughout my teenage and early 20’s.  My OBGYN put me on the pill from time to time to regulate the cycles, and to try and avoid ovarian cancer.

We have discussed having babies, and thought we should try sometime before we both got too old for the baby raising business.

I thought I was feeling the symptoms of the PCOS again, and was feeling quite miserable.  I decided to go to the doc and get this PCOS problem sorted out once and for all, and maybe check out some fertility treatments.  We decided to do every check, test, smear and scan to identify and overcome this problem.

positive pregnancy test

Expecting a regular check-up and some meds he proceeded to do his normal sonar check, and low and behold….

He told me I had a little jellybean growing….!!


I never thought I would be able to have babies (I mean, they have been telling me this since I was diagnosed with PCOS at age 18).

I had no idea how I was supposed to act, I just cried… Continue reading

having babies is not for the feint of heart

When I turned 31 I had my first baby (a girl).

This being my first pregnancy I guess you could say that the pregnancy progressed normal.

The Daddy to be and I went to the anti natal classes and I read every single book I could find, determined to be the best mommy ever, since I was going to be one after all!  (never thought it would happen due to my PCOS).

We (I) had a pregnancy plan, and a planned due date for the c-section.  It was going to be beautiful…but then all that went haywire  I was at one of my last weekly check-ups and the OBGYN thought my baby’s heartbeat was too slow, and decided an emergency C-section was to be performed that same afternoon. *GASP*.

We notified all the close family members and I went home to grab my previously packed “having a baby kit”.    I was shocked, scared and about to become a mother (yes It was only two weeks earlier than scheduled, but it still shakes up your world a bit!).  The whole delivery room experience was simply just plain weird.  I had to get onto the hospital bed (the thing was probably only 30cm wide!) and then I had to bend over a pillow so they could stick the spinal epidural into my, well, spine.  Shortly after that I felt nothing from the waist down, and could also not do anything but lie down… Continue reading

The Dark Dog of Depression

It’s like a dark dog that keeps yapping at your heels.  Depression.

A much stigmatized word, for a very misunderstood medical condition.

My Husband has never had to suffer this, so he has no idea how to cope with mine.  The Shrink says it is part of my ADD – a sub condition of sorts.depressed

Most days when the alarm goes off in the morning I lie in bed and instead of pulling the covers over my head (a very very strong reflex), I give myself a pep talk to get up.

Throughout my life I have learned that the worst that can happen to you is – that you may die, or get locked up in prison.  Then I compare my possible day to these scenarios – and thankfully I have no real motivation to try and jump in front of a moving anything, and I have done nothing (yet) to deserve incarceration.

So I take a very deep breath, try and lift the (metaphorical) heavy stone that is resting on my chest and swing my legs off the bed to take a shower and get dressed for the day.

I have no real reason to feel this way, I just do.  This is what people around me (and mostly me) don’t get.  The chemical mix in my brain is out of balance and has to be medicated to use the right stuff and make more of it.  … Continue reading

Bedtime Stories

Now don’t get me wrong. Writing in my blog is not to get back at anybody, or aimed at anyone. My shrink thought it was a good idea to write about my life, and needy person that I am – I still need feedback, good or bad, and anonymous people on the net is a good start, don’t you think?


Like they say in the movies (and in Despicable me it’s my favorite) : “Any relation to persons living or dead is completely coincidental…” *snicker*

But I digress.

So for me growing up in a single parent home was the norm. Now when I say single parent I actually mean my nanny Willemien.   She was our (me and my brother’s) live in maid for most of our formative years.   She was a wonderfully warm, chubby, loving and giving soul, who grew “maroggo” in the back garden, and cooked it like spinach and gave it to us with pap.   She made “Cool Aid” icicles with the ice cube tray and stuck toothpicks in them to give to us on hot summer afternoons after our round of “rugby” with the neighborhood kids in our back yard.

My mother?  well, she was at work.   Always at work.

And when she was not working, she was out with her many male friends, or at a work party.  One of the last visits we had approximately in 2007  I invited them over for a Sunday lunch.  They… Continue reading

Best thing that ever happened to me

My brother and Me.  We were always team.

With only a year between us being born, unfortunately he was sent to school a year early so we had 2 years between our grades.  All throughout primary school he always looked out for me, he was my go to person, my hero.  (We both started in one school, but I ended the last two years of my primary school in another).   I was a little tomboy.   Growing up with my brother as my only sibling, and of course him being him being the elder meant we played cars, instead of dolls, climbed trees, instead of playing in doll houses, rode our bikes and went rollerblading.By the time I reached grade 5 and moved to the new school, he reached grade 8 (standard 6) and was sent away to high school and Boarding School.

I was left with my mother, the new husband she decided to marry and have another baby with (*sigh*, yes there is a 10 year gap between me and my supposedly half sister).    So as a 13 year old, my biggest job was to entertain the new baby, make tea at least 10 times a day, do the dishes and keep myself out of their way. (this was for my own safety, literally).

I did not really see my brother any more over the next two years, (he was clever and found other places to go over weekends… Continue reading

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