Sunshine (grown up)

About being an adult who survived my childhood, and making my own choices, best of all (or maybe worst), being responsible for my choices, and those I make on behalf of my children.

MY tribe, not yours

A divorce is like an open grave. First you are at that point where you never, ever want to see that person again, but you have kids, and have to try to remain sane and reasonable while he waves his new to the world, (old news to me) girlfriend around for the world and his kids to see, and the divorced stamp ink is still wet on the papers.

He lives in a different country so my kids are lucky to see him a weekend per month if at all. But all his profile status pictures have her in it. After a quick check i saw none of hers had him in. Midlife crisis infatuation.

My kids and I, we are like a little tribe. I’m the parent who holds council over decisions that affect them, with them. We decide together. They don’t have that with dad, he’s not around enough.

THEN he tries to take them on holiday with her AND her kids to the same spot on the same coastal resort we have gone with our kids three times before. My son refuses, and tells him to his face he will go to court if the dad tries to force him. He was eight years old at the time and not about to be bullied back there.

There goes my first December holiday, i have not been alone for longer than 6 hours since i was 31 years old. Now, the Kids are growing up and we… Continue reading

losing my forever love

Angel-face, You and I were headed for something great. You were way ahead of your time, and I was catching on to technology as quick as you. It was the years when the world was holding it”s breath before the technology wave would sweep up the world, and we were ready, poised to ride the wave into the new millennium. All we needed was that one chance. Just one chance to do something, and you would have been so successful.

Even with little money, few possessions and lots of worries we were so very happy. I loved you, and will always love you to the core of my very soul. You loved me back the same way, you spun me into a cocoon, protected me, loved me, was my friend when Soulmate-stefanI needed one, my love and my guardian. It was as if you knew exactly what was needed to make my fractured soul whole, and you spent every day doing the things that would make it so. I will never understand why you were taken from this world, and from me so fast, I was left spinning, without an anchor, and no direction.
I found those things inside myself and eventually found my north again, but still your loss left a gaping hole that nothing can ever fill.

You taught me the true meaning of love, not just how to feel it, but also how to show it, and mean it. Having grown up in a very emotionally stunted… Continue reading

Doing Beta Reading – contact me for your free trail 😉

Accordingly Wikipedia a beta reader is:

A beta reader (also spelled betareader, or shortened to beta), also pre-reader or critiquer, is a non-professional reader who reads a written work, generally fiction, with the intent of looking over the material to find and improve elements such as grammar and spelling, as well as suggestions to improve the story, its characters, or its setting. Beta reading is typically done before the story is released for public consumption.[1] Beta readers are not explicitly proofreaders or editors, but can serve in that context.

Elements highlighted by beta readers encompass things such as plot holes, problems with continuity, characterisation or believability; in fiction and non-fiction, the beta might also assist the author with fact-checking.



Beta reader

I am the author of a medical bookkeeping guide that was released years ago, and have since been qualified as a technical writer. Many software and devices include my helpful but never read user guides.

I have recently turned my interest back to beta reading and I’m offering my services for free for the first 3 authors, to establish my credentials. I am currently busy with the autobiography of a girl named Lisa who’s parents were brutally murdered in a very politically conflicted South Africa when she was only 13 years old. The murders were never solved, and the family never received any answers or closure.

Reading and assisting the author in combining relevant paragraphs, keeping the story as told by the author and not the writer is extremely… Continue reading

To do lists – We made 2016 Amazing

2015 was the year of my last operation (neck fusion), and so the kids and I decided to make 2016 an amazing year.  We decided to do things, go places and see stuff.  Daddy moved to Namibia for work, so it was going to be double hard for me being both parents to our kids, raising them, doing school trips, dealing with their missing daddy etc.  for the rest of the year we only got to see Daddy 3 days per month.

But first, Mommy had to go and refill her emotional tanks alone, away from everyone.  So mommy booked herself a trip to Europe ;).  Just 10 days, budapest, Prague, bratislava and Vienna.  I felt like a new person, and was ready for what the year had in stall for me.

So here is the list we set out to do, (and do and do :)).

In 2016 we went on our first Colour Run.  It is known as the happiest 5K on the planet, and boy did we have fun!  Walking, hopping, skipping or crawling, it doesn’t matter how you do it, as long as you do.  Dress code is silly but white.  That is because after every kilometer you get BOMBARDED with colour dust and by the end of the race you look like a colour crazy chameleon.  For this adventure Daddy got to join us, making it double the fun.

My little girl (12) got… Continue reading

On the day I die


On the Day I Die

flowers copy
On the die I day a lot will happen.
A lot will change.

The world will be busy.

On the day I die, all the important appointments I made will be left unattended.  The many plans I had yet to complete will remain forever undone.grieving angel

The calendar that ruled so many of my days will now be irrelevant to me.  All the material things I so chased and guarded and treasured will be left in the hands of others to care for or to discard.     The words of my critics which so burdened me will cease to sting or capture anymore. They will be unable to touch me.

The arguments I believed I’d won here will not serve me or bring me any satisfaction or solace.  All my noisy incoming notifications and texts and calls will go unanswered. Their great urgency will be quieted.  My many nagging regrets will all be resigned to the past, where they should have always been anyway.

Every superficial worry about my body that I ever labored over; about my waistline or hairline or frown lines, will fade away.  My carefully crafted image, the one I worked so hard to shape for others here, will be left to them to complete anyway.  The sterling reputation I once struggled so greatly to maintain will be of little concern for me anymore.

All the small and… Continue reading

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