Ramblings

About anything and nothing, life in general

The EX Files – Artful Deception

Dictionary:  Artful Deception

done with or showing artistic skill

: good at getting or achieving things in ways that are clever and not noticeable : used to get or achieve things in ways that are clever and not noticeable

: the act of making someone believe something that is not true : the act of deceiving someone

: an act or statement intended to make people believe something that is not true

In 1990 I thought I met the man (boy) of my dreams.

And here is my side of the story, I never got to tell, because I was threatened, and bullied out of everything I had, and deserved to get.

What’s inspiring my story to warn other inexperienced young girls – don’t let others take everything from you when it was not your fault.

When a spouse cheats – IT IS NEVER YOUR FAULT.  Remember – everybody is responsible for their own actions.

I was still a virgin, and this guy was the one worthy enough of giving it up for (although many have tried!).  I stuck with him throughout his dark years in the Police force, initially only doing his 12 hour shifts as a patrolmen.  Later through his detective career, i stuck by his side, even though I was never good enough for him (according to his mother) – yeah, he is a real mommy’s boy that one.

so I gave it up (he told me I was his first… Continue reading

All the love in the world

When you fall  in  love for the first time, you always think it will last forever.

Remember the little love letter bantering back and forth promising forever to the boy who stole a kiss on your cheek in the 3rd grade?love hurts

As you grow older you realize there is a lot more than just one kind of love. There is the feeling of love towards your parents, that goes hand in hand with the craving of acceptance, and the love you feel for your children, the very best and most strongest kind (we were born that way).

Then as you grow into a teenager there is the secret love from a star struck boy, his biggest wish to be noticed by you and whom you let take you on one date or two, but feel no fireworks for – and barely notice his affection for you.

 Sometimes you are the girl secretly head over heels in love with a boy who gives you (and so many others) a date or two, and each one of the long string of girls (including you) think you will be the keeper of his heart… but alas, he forgets you and moves on.

And the sad type – the unrequited love, where you are the unseen one, the “friend”, but wanting so much more in your heart than just friendship from him or her.

By the time you are in your early 20’s you begin looking for the real thing,… Continue reading

Living with ADD as an Adult

ADD focusI was diagnosed with ADD when I was 35 years old.  I went to see my psychiatrist by referral due to my ongoing depression, and had no idea he was going to do anything other than listen to my sad stories and write a prescription for what I hoped was something to make the heavy stone I felt resting on my heart easier to bear.  He asked a few random questions about my home life, my marital status, my kids about my work, and of course how “I felt about all that”.

I did what I always did.  I rambled on.  I guess (like I always do)  I was trying to cram as much into my allotted hour as I could to paint the clearest picture of my life to him without leaving out any major or minor detail that could lead him down the wrong path of diagnosis.  I told him about all my successful  and unsuccessful jobs, even the jobs I tried out for only a few days before deciding to move on!  I told him about my horrible home life as a child, about my loss of love as a grown up, and how my life lead me down the path I eventually followed.  When I was done rambling an eerie quiet ascended over the room.

Now I never have been, or never will be uncomfortable with a quiet lull in a conversation, but this one felt… Continue reading

Before you cast the first stone…

I often wonder if I’m doing an o.k. job of raising my two kids.  I know what I do is probably not always the right thing, or the best way, but I’m doing the best I can with what I’ve got.  Then I go visit my friends with kids the same age as mine, and I see the way they behave, and I breathe a sigh of relief.

I see that their 9 year old is also a bit moody and acting like a 16 year old would (without the hormonal “boy” trouble), and her 5 year old is also going through a “phase”.  I see my other friends and they tell me their’s did the same thing, and that is more or less no different between the boys and the girls.  Then I know they are all going through what I am, and it is part of being a parent, and raising kids.  I’m on the right path.

So why is it that when I still had parents, they could not stop telling me that I’m raising my kids all wrong, they have no respect, they have no boundaries  they run around and (attempt) to break everything, and they never sit still and they can never just “be good”?

This I might add, happened when my daughter was just 6 years old and her little brother a year and 8 months.

I mean, what do you expect from a little boy of… Continue reading

Timeline of my Life

This site came to be at the recommendation of my Shrink.

This is my small attempt to document, purge and clease my soul.  I have felt the need to write since I was a little girl, and as teenage I remember I had a diary made up of hard cover office books 4 all together.  I removed the inner book covers and stuck them all into a single unit.  This book contained all my teenage trials tribulations and feelings.

Then I started dating my first husband an obsessive compulsively controlling and “tidy” person.  He read my diary and I started finding myself writing entrys to please him.  Crap.

In a wild attempt to make sense of it all (I have ADD) I try and keep a timeline of my life, but once I start writing a post,  the next thing I know I have digressed about 7 times from the topic I started on, and in the end it breaks up into almost 4 totally different coherent articles.  It’s just how my mind spews the information, because to me, it’s all in the details.

So here goes (a very simple basic timeline) of the 3 categories of my blog.

When I was small ……….

1972 – The year I was born

1974 – Mother divorces my Dad

1976 – Mother starts dating my Godfather

1978 – Grade 1

1981 – First sister is born

1984 – First step dad is… Continue reading

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