The Dark Dog of Depression

It’s like a dark dog that keeps yapping at your heels.  Depression.

A much stigmatized word, for a very misunderstood medical condition.

My Husband has never had to suffer this, so he has no idea how to cope with mine.  The Shrink says it is part of my ADD – a sub condition of sorts.depressed

Most days when the alarm goes off in the morning I lie in bed and instead of pulling the covers over my head (a very very strong reflex), I give myself a pep talk to get up.

Throughout my life I have learned that the worst that can happen to you is – that you may die, or get locked up in prison.  Then I compare my possible day to these scenarios – and thankfully I have no real motivation to try and jump in front of a moving anything, and I have done nothing (yet) to deserve incarceration.

So I take a very deep breath, try and lift the (metaphorical) heavy stone that is resting on my chest and swing my legs off the bed to take a shower and get dressed for the day.

I have no real reason to feel this way, I just do.  This is what people around me (and mostly me) don’t get.  The chemical mix in my brain is out of balance and has to be medicated to use the right stuff and make more of it.  I try.  I really do.

My days are filled with getting the kids ready for school, rushing off to work and then trying to sort my chaos life into less chaos so I can try and get things done.  I put a smile on my face, and clothe myself in an outgoing personality.

A Saleslady,

a business owner,

a boss

and a mom.

So I take a very deep breath, try and lift the (metaphorical) heavy stone that is resting on my chest and swing my legs off the bed to take a shower and get dressed for the day.

Later I rush to pick up the kids from school, make sure we have food in the cupboards, feed the pets, the kids, and get everyone bathed and ready for bed.  I stress late into the night about processes, procedures, finances, the wellbeing of my children, my marriage, and the country in general, and so insomnia is my other friend.

Unfortunately Depression feeds on insomnia and so the vicious cycle continues.

I have had a rough few years since the birth of my son (when I was 35) and suffered a few operations and conditions.  I’m out of shape, I have “compensatory sweating”, and I suffer from GERD.

Of course I am out of my mind, it’s a dark and scary place in there!!! 🙂

This year I’m going to get somebody to come around and pick me up at home, and force me to take a daily walk around the block to at least start taking measures.  I believe the best combatant for depression is eating health (I don’t), exercising (I don’t) and taking your medication (at least I have 1 out of 3).  So let’s see what 2012 will bring.

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